emptiness
I bland glömmer jag. Allting är ju som vanligt, eller nästan som vanligt. Nu är den distansen du upplevde mellan oss verkligen där. Luften är så tjock och spänd att den hade kunnat sprängas som en ballong.
Så ibland glömmer jag. Gör nåt annat och tror att allt är som vanligt.
Men så vaknar jag, kommer på det. Och sorgen fyller hjärtat och vätska samlas i ögonen.
Jag blinkar. en, två, tre gånger. Så är den borta. Vätskan. Och går vidare, glömmer igen.
Undrar om det är en dröm eller någon typ av praktikal joke.
När ska jag vakna, när skal skämtet avslöjas?
Hur kan du lämna mig men ändå vara kvar och låtsas som inget hänt?
För då glömmer jag ibland, och kommer på. Och varje gång dör jag lite inuti.
Vad fan är det för värld jag lever i?
Från paulocoelhoblog.com
I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them;
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back;
I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I’ve learned that you can get by on charm, for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something;
I’ve learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I’ve learned that no matter how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take it’s place.
I’ve learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I’ve learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re downhill are the ones to help you get back up.
I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry.
I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean that they don’t love you with all they have.
I’ve learned that maturity had more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.
I’ve learned that your family won’t always be there for you.
I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while.
I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to forgive yourself.
I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.
I’ve learned that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I’ve learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will get hurt in the process.
I’ve learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you.
I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up for what you believe.
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back;
I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I’ve learned that you can get by on charm, for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something;
I’ve learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I’ve learned that no matter how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take it’s place.
I’ve learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I’ve learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re downhill are the ones to help you get back up.
I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry.
I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean that they don’t love you with all they have.
I’ve learned that maturity had more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.
I’ve learned that your family won’t always be there for you.
I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while.
I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to forgive yourself.
I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.
I’ve learned that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I’ve learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will get hurt in the process.
I’ve learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you.
I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up for what you believe.
What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger
Dags att bli arg. Dags att bli rosenrasande. Som aldrig förr. Inte kanalisera alla negativa känslor till gråt och sorg. Dags att bli arg, ilsken, sur.
Varför är det så svårt? att skälla och kasta istället för att gråta och hulka?
Har man lärt sig att vara den fina flickan som inte säger ifrån utan sitter i ett hörn och gråter i tystnad?
Vem lärde mig det?
Jag? Mamma? Pappa? Samhället? Jag själv? Verkligen?
Tur man ska läsa psykiatri till våren, kanske kan få klistrat några diagnoser på mig själv. Och riktigt psykoanalysera mig ned till kärnan. Vems fel är det att jag är jag? Eller det kanske heter förtjänst? Eller båda...
weltschmertz*
Önskar ibland jag var liten igen. Ett barn.
Ett barn har inga krav på dig, ett barn har inga kval.
Ett barn är likgiltigt, ovetandes och skyddat från världen utanför.
Lycka är att få fredagsgodis, se disneydags, ett kalas, ett djur, en utflykt.
Men ett barn behöver aldrig fundera över vad lycka är
Vad är lycka? Hur finner jag den? Hur behåller jag den?
Vuxenlivets ständiga tema.
Men hur skal vi förhålla oss till all den olycka vi ser omkring oss var dag?
Lycka har för mig oftast varit intuitiv, enkel. Lite som ett barns.
Jag har haft tur.
Men nu välter plötsligt olyckan över mig. Allt gör ont, allt är fel, allt är på väg mot sin undergång.
Och jag önskar jag vore ett barn igen.
Att jag satt i den bruna skinnsoffan i huset och åt mitt fredagsgodis och tittade på darkwing duck. Och myste...
Och inte i den röda tygsoffan, i den tomma lägenheten, stirrandes på en datorskärm. Gråtandes...
